True to yourself or who you want to be?

I have to say, while I get the spirit of the whole "be true to yourself" statement, it's not really for me.

If I was true to myself, I'd be one heck of a negative nancy and I'd sit around an mope.

A LOT.

yep, that'd be me.

If I was true to myself, I wouldn't have much motivation at all...

It was probably sometime during my freshman year of collage, that I realized I didn't like myself all that much. I felt that I was really annoying because I was constantly a big bummer.

At least that's kind of how I remember it. I've never had the guts to actually ask someone who knew me during all of this.

My point here is that I tried really hard to be a more positive person. Before I said something I would think, "is this the most positive way I can say this?" and eventually I practiced this enough, that being positive, became second nature to me.

I am pretty happy with the changes that I've been able to make and really when "stuff" happens now, I just naturally look for the silver lining. It is not a fake positive, it's just how I like to approach stuff now, it make me happier to be this way. (It's all about me, don't ya know!)

Like yesterday, when I made a teeny tiny mistake like forgetting my bike for my bike ride (yes, I'm serious) I figured there was something good I could make of it... and there was, I ended up having a great run and I had time to stretch, really stretch after the run, which made my hip feel better (it's been bugging me, but that is a story for another time).

But every once in awhile that old Jill sneaks back in... that happened yesterday with my "enough" post. I was really upset with myself for writing that post. I even thought about deleting the post, because it's not "me".

At least not the "me" I'm trying to be.

But it's going to stay up there, because I need to remember, that sometimes that scared, bummery (yes i know, not a word), little girl is still in me and she needs to remember that being scared is just no fun and rising to the challenge, well, now that's the fun stuff.

I can't thank you guys enough for your positive, supportive comments.

But next time I post something like that, someone find me and give me a big whack up along side the head :D

So I am going to choose to be true to who I want to be instead of who I used to be.

and now in closing, I will reminded myself to

BELIEVE and dare to DREAM!

3 comments:

  1. You might have not liked how the post came out or whatever, but we got to see another side of you and that's alright - makes you human to have doubts. It was an honest post... You definitely weren't alone in posting your concerns about "enough". Hopefully the comments made you see that.

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  2. GREAT post! I have a hard time imagining you being a downer! I totally agree that we should figure out what kind of person we want to be then be true to THAT person. If we all just acted how we naturally would, think about what a terrible world this would be! I also agree that if you act more posative it will REALLY make you happier and won't just be an act. When I was in high school, I worked at McDonalds and some days I just hated it and acted all grouchy to the customers and my coworkers. One day I just decided to smile at the customers and act nice. I couldn't believe how much that "fake" smile actually cheered me up. It actually made me happy and it was a lot easier to be nice to the customers. I've always tried to remember that. On the other hand, we all have days where we doubt ourselves and have A hard time being the person we want to be. I thought about deleting my post from last night too, for the same reason. :) You're doing a great job!

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  3. I think if you didn't share those thoughts you did in your last post, then you would be untrue to yourself. As an athlete and a Mom, I think that seeing/hearing those women I admire have"moments", too, is huge. It hlps to know others out there have moments of doubt or frustration. If you didn't share, you would be holding in something important to you. I am with you on being positive (life is so much happier that way), but a little honesty and introspection is healthy sometimes. You are an amazing teammate. :)

    ReplyDelete

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