Is your ego writing checks your body can't cash?

A little bit of Top Gun influence in the title there but it is a valid point for people like me, the Age Group Triathlete, with a family, job, and other commitments... and especially when we are coming back from an injury.

In my opinion, a good healthy ego can be the difference between a "good" performance and a "great" performance.  In a previous post I explored the idea that you have to BELIEVE you can do it before you can do it... not always the case (as we've all had results that surprise us on occasion - but even then, I bet down deep - "in that place you don't want to talk about" (apparently it's movie quote tuesday) you at least thought you could achieve that result.

So where that leaves us is that we need to have confidence / ego and a maybe a healthy dose of bravado to toe the line of our first triathlon (be it sprint, olympic, half or full) or go for a PR.  I'm not going to knock ego out of the equation of a complete triathlete, however, we all need to be on the look out for our out of control ego... the one that is going AGAINST our goals.  What if what we BELIEVE we can do, is so far from the reality of what we CAN do, that we re-injure ourselves or loose our motivation?

I have a goal right now - I want to RACE an entire triathlon again - Hopefully the OlyRev in Anderson, SC.

Unfortunately, my ego has held me back from that goal over the last few months...

We've all been there before, the "I SHOULD BE ABLE TO DO..."

It took me awhile to realize just how far I'd slipped down the mountain that is "triathlon fitness".  I kept thinking, well since I'm able to use the proper muscles now, this should all just come back as quick as can be.

It's just simply not like that...

I would expect certain results from a workout, and I'd not be able to perform to expectation... and that left me FRUSTRATED and ANGRY and more often than not, COMPLETELY WITHOUT MOTIVATION.  I had no desire to get my ass off the computer chair and workout, because I knew it would be PAINFUL and DEPRESSING.

So I sat, a lot... I told myself that my priority was work and getting ready for our move to Virginia... I didn't have TIME for working out...

And the more that phrase was heard in my head, the more I said it out loud to people, the more I thought "Jill, you are a HUGE hypocrite!" How many times have I said "we all have the time to workout, if we make it a priority".  I would have had the time if I'd made it a priority...

I just wasn't making it a priority, because I didn't want to face how FAR away the PEAK of that mountain had become.

I needed to put my EGO, the one that EXPECTS things from my body, on the back burner (just for a little while), and just enjoy what I'm able to do at this time... I've been trying, but it's a constant battle between being proud of the small improvements and being wrecked at how far I am from where I was.

I am not this triathlete anymore...


Let's face it, I took almost two years off from training... it just might take two years to get back.

I'm committing to fighting the good fight and considering every day I get in my workout (no matter how it fell short of my expectations for myself) a success, because getting up and doing SOMETHING is getting me closer than sitting around doing nothing and thinking about what I should be doing.

I'll be ready to bring my friend EGO back into the mix someday, and maybe with a little more positive thinking, EGO will fit back in sooner than expected!




6 comments:

  1. I think we are in similar places right now - except I don't even have the guts to try and work out just to be disappointed.

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    Replies
    1. Jamie - the recovery thing is more mental than I ever realized and you are getting through a MAJOR injury. Thinking about you and cheering every time I see a pic of you up and about! You are getting stronger everyday! Patience is an elusive little witch haha

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  2. It's so much harder to get back on the wagon after you've been off for a while... sounds like you are doing a great job of putting things back into perspective! Keep taking the baby steps, enjoy training in and of itself, and appreciate the little improvements you notice day-to-day, regardless of where they are compared to anything you did long ago. The results will come with consistency! :)

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    Replies
    1. so true Summer, consistency is the key right now! thanks!!

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  3. Jill, great post which I am sure required a fair amount of courage to write! I have been struggling with checking my ego in training, accepting my performance where it is now, having faith that my performance will improve, and trusting my training. Thanks for sharing and good luck!

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    Replies
    1. thanks Tara! Good luck with your training too!!

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